Giving Tuesdays

I've been wanting to lose weight since I was 12. Thinking that it was the only way to improve on myself. It wasn't.  In my obsession, I actually didn't realize how lovely I looked, and instead kept carrying more heaviness in my heart until it went to my body.  In my struggle to release it, I was hugging it and letting it flourish. Not any more. I've stopped focusing on what I want to lose and only looking at what I hope to gain and that is making all the difference now.

For the past few years, having become a mother, I've learned a lot about what I'm capable of doing, what I should and shouldn't be doing.  The influence I have on my kids, and what they learn from me is a big responsibility.  And my new desire is no longer about my outer shell, but about my neglected insides.  How does one become a better human being? Can I exchange the bad for good? Now I know dwelling won't help. Neither will self-criticizing, that just makes you more bitter and gives you a sense of false entitlement. Almost like I just abused myself, so now I have the right to be mean to strangers. I knew it had to be some sort of practiced methodical journey, with a long life-changing warm up before I started running.

Inspiration came to me in the car this morning.  I slept 3 hours and that makes me "fake high" and creative. And that's how I decided to name today Giving Tuesdays.  Tuesday is usually a blah filler kind of a day for the work week just like shredded iceberg lettuce in a juicy burger  It has no significance other than it's the start of the slope of desire towards the weekend.  Today I gave it significance. A day that inspires change; a wave hopefully. Future vegetarians, first tried Meatless Mondays, and future "nicer" people are now going to try Giving Tuesdays.

So what is the difference between Farah yesterday and Farah today?  Today I'm  going to strive to give people what they need from me. It's not about what I'm entitled to, but what I can do for others to make their moment, morning, day or even week better. In traffic this morning, I slowed way down so a car on the other lane can come in front of me and turn into the right turn.  I didn't begrudge them for not forward planning and being in the correct lane. There were no scowls, rude gesticular expressions or frustration. I just smiled and let them go in front of me. For the first time in my life I felt in control and relaxed while stupidity was rampant around me in the form of morning drivers--but of course I'm just assuming they were there because I didn't notice, being so zen and all...

It's a heady feeling, I want to do more. I've given people space to take my lane before, but never with this much good intention behind it.  I feel like how Superman must've felt on his first day.  I look forward to driving home at 4..I wonder if I'll still be "giving". It's okay baby steps.

Today if I just learn one thing from my inaugural Giving Tuesday, I learned to happily give what I perceived as rightfully mine, and realized that what I got back was a kinder yet stronger version of myself for a split second. Here's to many more split seconds and the good it brings back to our hearts..

What would you change about yourself on Giving Tuesdays?